How to be a hipster

• Free yourself of all worldly possessions
• Import several species of foreign flora or fauna
• Purchase new worldly possessions, largely from Good Will, but sometimes from expensive places
• Never explain why sometimes you have lots of money, and sometimes you're broke
• Never explain why your parents are lawyers/investment bankers/doctors, but your clothes look like they haven't been washed or replaced in 10 years.
• Don't eat. According to the Hipster Handbook, hipsters should not have more than 2% body fat.
• Listen to unknown Indie Rock. Doesn't matter if it's good. If more than 50 people nationwide have heard of it, it's time to move on.
• Free yourself of all friends and social attachments
• Don't study for your classes unless you're almost failing
• live in small apartment, not new
• drive large car, not new
• purchase new friends and social attachments, largely at random, but sometimes really cool people
• don't get caught rocking out to false metal
• be a hipster.
• consume as much cocaine as possible
• don't spend money too often
• don't stay at the same job for too long
• don't spend too long between jobs
• don't look
• wear sunglasses
• smoke
• quit smoking
• start smoking again
• adamantly deny that you are a hipster. shit-talk all the hipsters on campus. a true hipster is never proud of his or her hipsterness.